A lasting path to having and maintaining a healthy relationship is to nurture intimacy.
Reshall Varsos said it best, “Intimacy is not purely physical. It’s the act of connecting with someone so deeply, you feel like you can see into their soul”
As a couple, true intimacy must never be confined to the bedroom. No, far from it, intimacy should be a deliberate and purposeful endeavor to constantly have and maintain a deep, meaningful connection at all times.
It is accepting to be vulnerable to the person you love and opening yourself to someone with whom you truly share a bond. This is why intimacy cannot be limited to sex or sexually related activities alone.
As most marriage and relationship counselors will tell you; the connection you have to your partner, beyond the physical, is the most important determiner of how solid your relationship is and will be.
In this article, we’ll explore how to build emotional and physical intimacy outside the bedroom, so you can have a thriving relationship and partner whom you are as committed to as they are to you. Let’s dive in!
Why Intimacy Beyond the Bedroom Matters
As mentioned earlier, intimacy is much more about the mental and emotional connection, the physical is just but a good plus.
Studies have shown that couples who are invested in keeping their intimacy alive have higher levels of relationship satisfaction and are able to weather challenges much easier. These include issues that emerge in a relationship or marriage to family & children matters and even challenges in their workplace or businesses.
This trickle-down effect can be attributed to the confidence of having a partner who is trusted and comforting to be around, regardless of the situation at hand. It, therefore, provides some kind of life’s ‘safety net’ knowing that you have someone with whom you have a genuine connection and can trust.
And, as with all things that are beneficial to you and your love life, intimacy doesn’t just happen by accident. You have to work towards it by making it a way to live, rather than a chore or task that you simply engage in from time to time.
The Four (4) Important Types of Intimacy
If you have to work towards building intimacy, you have to understand the primary types of intimacy, as they all go hand in hand. The four (4) important types of intimacy are:
- Emotional Intimacy
Emotional intimacy is the connection to your partner’s feelings, thoughts, and vulnerabilities. This type of intimacy extends beyond the feelings that a partner communicates. It’s built on learning and connecting to your partner on a profound level where you are able to understand their behavior, body language, nonverbal cues, and even the tone of voice.
- Mental Intimacy
Mental intimacy is the connection to your partner’s way of thinking and character. It’s built on understanding and appreciating your partner’s unique viewpoint and thoughts. Most importantly, it involves accepting how their thoughts and ideas impact their moods and influence their approach or response to situations and overall wellness.
- Spiritual Intimacy
Spiritual intimacy with a partner is not about religion but about accepting their beliefs and how they influence their lifestyles and behavior. Even when you and your partner share the same religion or spiritual faith, you should be attentive and open to embracing their unique perspectives and what brings them peace and harmony.
- Physical Intimacy
Physical intimacy refers to the connection to the physical needs and desires of your partner. It goes beyond satisfying the sexual needs of partners and is built by having an outstanding level of physical closeness.
Building Emotional Intimacy
Since emotional intimacy is the foundation of a strong, lasting relationship, it needs to be a constant in your love life. By nurturing this kind of intimacy, you significantly enhance the quality of your companionship, not to mention the high level of trust and understanding it builds.
Here are some practical ways to nurture emotional intimacy:
- Actively Communicate and Listen to Each Other
When it comes to building a strong relationship and lasting emotional connection with your partner, the oldest trick in the book is to genuinely and actively communicate and listen to each other. It is more than just hearing words coming from your partner but getting to understand the feelings and perspectives they portray.
No matter how busy your lifestyle might be, having open undisrupted communication with your partner each day will go a long way in keeping intimacy alive. Start with the basics such as putting away distractions like your phone when talking to your partner, maintaining eye contact, and constantly asking questions & making genuine affirmations that make them feel valued and understood.
- Learn about your Partner’s Feelings and Respect Them
The more you connect with your partner, you should be able to learn and understand their feelings. This goes beyond words but involves knowing their body language and nonverbal cues, so you understand their mood at a particular moment.
The secret to efficiently doing this is to actively work on yourself first and get to understand how your feelings impact your day and approach to situations. Your partner should also do this so there is mutuality in handling each other’s current state and respecting the boundaries you set.
- Share and Work Through Vulnerabilities
Nothing is as scary as opening up about your fears, dreams, and insecurities as it makes you feel too exposed. However, it’s one of the greatest and incredibly powerful gifts that you and your partner can share.
If you can regularly have these moments of honesty where you can share something very personal without worrying about being judged negatively, the level of trust and understanding that will be built in your relationship will be outstanding. Whether it’s a childhood issue you have always battled with, piling pressure & stress from work, or that one incident that scarred you for a long time, sharing vulnerabilities will help bring you closer to each other.
- Create Rituals of Connection
Small, consistent rituals have big impacts on relationships as well as emotional and romantic connections. Whether it’s starting most days with breakfast together, ending the day with a shared meal, or weekly moments to just enjoy time together and discuss whatever is on your mind, these acts will bring stability and closeness to your relationship.
Since the same routines can get boring after a while, you should constantly pursue new and exciting ideas. For example, creative date nights where you explore new locations or try new activities together will definitely make these moments extra special.
Note: The secret to making these rituals of connections more fulfilling is to learn to enjoy and appreciate what your partner likes besides finding activities you can both enjoy. These can be as simple as taking outdoor walks or slow hikes as you talk and enjoy each other company, finding quiet spots where you can travel away from the city noise and enjoy the serene, intimate atmosphere.
Building Mental Intimacy
Naturally, mental intimacy complements emotional intimacy as it challenges you to better understand your partner’s way of thinking and viewpoints. Some of the best ways to build strong mental intimacy are by:
- Strive to Keep Each Other’s Goals Alive and Pursue Shared Goals
Engaging your partner’s intellect is one of the best ways to stimulate them mentally and get closer to them. From engaging in conversations that they find interesting to encouraging and supporting them as they learn new things or pursue career goals, there are lots of ways to achieve this.
You should also prioritize finding and pursuing shared goals. Whether it’s planning a project together, setting short and long-term goals in your lives, or planning that dream vacation, these mentally fun activities will strengthen your bond.
- Engage in Mentally Stimulating Activities
You will benefit a lot by regularly engaging in shared experiences that stimulate the mind. Prioritize activities that bring out your inner child and those you can enjoy together be it board games, card games, video games, painting, singing, or attending comedy shows.
These acts will create opportunities to bond through laughter and stimulate each other’s minds as you take on those challenges. Don’t just participate in activities that you are both good at, but learn how to enjoy being bad at something new and gradually improve your know-how of the activity.
- Be Each Other’s Confidant
You don’t have to find the answers to the thoughts that weigh on your partner. Instead, you should be available as someone who is trustworthy that they can confide in and release the pressure they have.
This is best done by cultivating empathy and understanding. Through this, you can celebrate their successes, encourage them through losses or periods of failure, understand their frustrations, and solve conflicts without any resentments.
Building Spiritual Intimacy
Spiritual intimacy in a relationship is best built by providing your partner with room and freedom to pursue and live according to their beliefs. Respecting each other’s beliefs will make it possible for you to move forward together while feeling safe to discuss any matter of interest.
Building Physical Intimacy Outside the Bedroom
Building and maintaining physical intimacy outside the bedroom is the icing and flavor of the cake. Like everything else, it takes conscious effort to achieve this and involves simple acts such as:
- Holding Hands
The simple act of holding hands, whether you’re walking through the park or sitting on the couch, does a lot in bringing you closer to each other.
- Prolonged Hugs and Cuddling
Hugging for at least 20 seconds and cuddling is a great way to bond, release stress, and increase the trust you have for each other.
- Giving Each Other Massages & other Physical Touches
Simples massage, even if it’s just a quick shoulder rub and other acts of physical touch es are not only incredibly soothing but also great ways to enhance intimacy with your partner.
Conclusion
A strong and happy relationship doesn’t just happen, it’s created by two people who are committed to having one. By exploring intimacy beyond the bedroom, you can create a deeper, more fulfilling relationship that can weather challenges and stand the test of time. The key is to prioritize connection in all its forms and to continuously find ways to bond in more meaningful ways.